I'm not adverse to marriage, and commend my friends who choose this path, and give them the obligatory "oh-em-gee, girl I'm so jealous!" bemoaning where appropriate. I often wonder what it is I want from a relationship, but it's other things in my life that take priority... things I want to achieve before I turn that golden age of 30: a master's degree, a successful, burgeoning career, my first home, a marathon under the belt and culinary skills that my friends deem "above average". Amidst these ambitious plans, it's difficult to see where a relationship would fit in, and most importantly, who would fit in it.
Commitment scares me. I'm not just talking about relationships, I'm talking all things. I get intense buyer's remorse, and debate purchases in my head until it's too late and stolen from me, and often return things to the store. I'm the one asking, "what do YOU think we should dine?" instead of saying "let's go here!" And of course, this same sentiment rolls into my relationships: I called my first boyfriend a 'fling' for as long as possible before admitting we had something more, and I still struggle to call my current relationship-er my [ahem] 'boyfriend' (wow, that was even hard to type). So when it comes to thinking of long-term, future relationships it's hard for me to even wonder: am I a freak for not wanting to make that lifetime contract to be married?
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| "All the Single Ladies" via Artist Kate Wilson |
Apparently, I'm not alone out there:
"..as women have climbed ever higher, men have been falling behind. We’ve
arrived at the top of the staircase, finally ready to start our lives,
only to discover a cavernous room at the tail end of a party, most of
the men gone already, some having never shown up—and those who remain
are leering by the cheese table, or are, you know, the ones you don’t
want to go out with."
The Atlanic's Kate Bolick published, "All the Sinlge Ladies," (a highly recommended read!) leaving me wondering: without the political and economic obligations from these social contracts, is marriage really necessary?
Ed. Note: I'm a total hypocrite, because as I type this I'm listening to "My Life Would Suck Without You". Thanks alot, Kelly Clarkson! [pft.]
2 comments:
As a married person, I must hypocritically and whole-heartedly agree with you! Furthermore, what's with women who have great careers and master's degrees and are generally just BAMF's, taking their husband's names and settling into a life of play-dates and Cheerios? The whole things is unnerving. I can't wait for the day when men are asking their male mentors, "How can I balance work and family?"
I think Anais Nin said it best, “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” I certainly don't think marriage is a necessity anymore, but should you decide to have a permanent man-friend, I hope he turns out like someone like Anais Nin described :)
I AGREE! I think females will always struggle between social expectations and personal progression through society, and am so impressed when men take their full paternity leave AND understand the importance of that work/life balance!
Shannon, you are one wise woman and I'm so appreciative to know you!
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